8/15/24 11:49am
now liveblogging My Roommate is a Vampire by Jenna Levine:
True love is at stake in this charming, debut romantic comedy.
Cassie Greenberg loves being an artist, but it’s a tough way to make a living. On the brink of eviction, she’s desperate when she finds a too-good-to-be-true apartment in a beautiful Chicago neighborhood. Cassie knows there has to be a catch—only someone with a secret to hide would rent out a room for that price.
Of course, her new roommate Frederick J. Fitzwilliam is far from normal. He sleeps all day, is out at night on business, and talks like he walked out of a regency romance novel. He also leaves Cassie heart-melting notes around the apartment, cares about her art, and asks about her day. And he doesn’t look half bad shirtless, on the rare occasions they’re both home and awake. But when Cassie finds bags of blood in the fridge that definitely weren’t there earlier, Frederick has to come clean...
Cassie’s sexy new roommate is a vampire. And he has a proposition for her.
tag is bats reads mrmiav
8/15/24 12:42pm
$200 rent??? in this economy??? yeah i'd risk getting murdered for that
8/15/24 12:49pm
yay gay people 🎉
8/15/24 1:31pm
this apartment sounds dope. get better taste cassie.
8/21/24 8:26pm
the book is falling more and more into the whole romance novel thing of "omg this person is sooo hot they are sooo sexy" that i am simply too asexual to relate with or fully understand
8/21/24 8:26pm
woah woah woah okay. i can suspend a lot of disbelief here. but like. vampires definitely still have trash, right? him not owning a trash can & not being familiar with when trash day is is a little too weird.
like, i know from the synopsis he gets bagged blood- what are you doing with those bags when you're done? even if you throw them out secretly somewhere else that is still trash no? and you still need somewhere to chuck it?
and like, they definitely would have told you about trash day when you moved in right? he has been living here for a bit hasn't he? unless i missed somewhere that this is a new place? like they just tell you that. and as a vampire it would be very good for you to know when trash day is as to not arouse suspicion regarding the disposal of illicit goods??? like blood bags???
but like, he also says he's not in the regular habit of throwing thing away- so what is he doing with all the empty blood bags then? does he like. give them back?
8/21/24 8:45pm
frederick is constantly giving "what could a banana cost? ten dollars?" energy
8/21/24 8:56pm
girl. connect the dots. it is blatantly obvious. i know you're freaked out but please use your brain.
8/21/24 9:09pm
girl get a grip 🙄 why the hell would he bother with a restock if he was just planning to eat you 🙄
8/21/24 9:11pm
you guys i. i think i might be too much of a vampirefucker for this vampire romance novel
8/22/24 1:44am
vampires can do magic in this universe? or just reginald? interesting either way
so he didn't actually move into his house, he just woke up in his house after a magic coma, which helps explain a few things. not a lot. but some of them.
8/22/24 2:23am
idk why learning how to order coffee is so high on his priority list. like you can just. not go get coffee? it's easy. i do it all the time, and not one person has ever accused me for being a vampire for not going out for coffee.
especially if you're someone who's not awake much during the day? the normal hours for humans to be getting coffee? i know from experience if you try to have any heavily caffeinated beverage any time after dusk there's high odds someone Will comment on it and think you're weird
8/22/24 2:30am
it's also very okay to not know what tiktok is. or instagram for that matter. again, his priorities...
8/22/24 2:31am
you know i think i like the exchanged notes and text messages the best. almost makes me wish this was fully an epistolary novel
8/22/24 3:07am
methinks dear frederick might have a bit of autistic swag. question is, will the author actually acknowledge it and give us some cool rep, or is this just how the author thinks old people act. my money's on the latter 🙁
8/22/24 11:29am
old man misogyny. whee 🙄
8/22/24 11:40am
look i don't like suggesting masturbation as like a cure-all or anything, but i strongly feel this dude would be way more chill if he just jacked off about it and went to bed rather than continuing to sexually seethe over it. like if you're so blisteringly horny you're freaking out about maybe accidentally brushing up against her while out shopping maybe you just need to nut? maybe you'd calm down a bit.
8/22/24 2:48pm
✨ shopping montage ✨
8/22/24 3:04pm
"she likes it so i'll get one in every color" ...don't you have like, any sense of personal taste?
8/22/24 3:22pm
he's literally out here getting jealous of a fictional character 🙄
8/22/24 7:43pm
"kissing for science" ugh just admit you like each other already
8/23/24 1:04am
you can say you don't drink. it's fine. watching this poor vaguely autistic-coded man be put through having to learn social cues sucks, but it sucks Even Worse knowing that the social cues he's being made to learn aren't even mandatory
8/23/24 1:33am
hm. Don't Like This
8/23/24 1:35am
he. makes fruit when he's nervous. his special vampire power is. he magically involuntarily conjures fruit when he's nervous.
8/23/24 1:46am
okay no no no stop stop stop. you Cannot say this is right from interview with the vampire. in interview they have coffins. not velvet beds. unless you're referring to the tv show which i haven't actually seen yet outside of gifs because i just kinda refuse to watch shows until they're done these days. maybe they have some beds there. but earlier in the book she specifically references anne rice, which implies she's referring to the book(s). hell they don't even really fuck in the books? vampire dicks are like, A Whole Thing. wtf are you talking about cassie.
am i crazy? am i wrong? am i not remembering things right? it's been a while since i've seen the movie & even longer since i read the books, plus i only read the first 4.
8/23/24 2:01am
he doesn't even bite her during sex. he just pricks her finger a bit.
this book Really was not written for the vampirefuckers huh
8/23/24 12:12pm
yeah our vampire boyfriend's definitely been kidnapped and/or murdered, but we have a job interview to worry about. gotta love capitalism 👍
8/23/24 12:16pm
trying very very hard not to just completely skip this section because i literally don't care
8/23/24 12:23pm
actually i would love to hear what people who actually like modern art have to say about this book re: cassie's art. 'cause like, i don't hate modern art, i acknowledge its cultural value & all, but i am definitely not cultured enough to like, Get It™. so idk if cassie's art is actually not that great or if i'm just some rube lol.
like idk something about it seems a little basic, or just like, trying too hard? like there's a lot of talk surrounding her work as oh it's too abstract, too avant-garde but like. one of the pieces she describes is a landscape of a lake made with pieces of trash she found at said lake. that's pretty on-the-nose, right? it has a very clear and obvious message?
but we don't actually get to look at her art. we just hear about it. and looking at art is like, way different than just hearing about it. so.
8/23/24 12:31pm
that is literally a picture of him being kidnapped!!! you dumb motherfucker!!! you're gonna let this girl be a teacher when she barely has a brain!!!
8/23/24 12:31pm
her plan for saving frederick is... she's threatening to make a tiktok. she's gonna make a tiktok saying vampires are totally real you guys honest. and this will get his mom to call off the arranged marriage and release him from vampire jail.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-USX9BNYd0
8/23/24 12:42pm
and it's not even a good tiktok... it's so bad... wtf is happening
8/23/24 12:46pm
and it works. somehow.
8/23/24 12:53pm
and on top of all this she didn't even need the tiktok plan. esmeralda was also planning to break up with him. so what were we even doing here.
8/23/24 1:07pm
What Do You Mean This Was A Reylo Book
in my defense i've never actually seen the new star wars movies lol. but also i should have caught on from how often it talks about hot his big hands are, which is literally the only thing i know about reylos
i guess that answers the question of who this book was for, because it was definitely not for the vampire girlies lol
8/23/24 1:07pm
overall thoughts. i can't say it was bad. because i've read much worse. but it wasn't really good either. it's a book that exists that i read.
